A Glossary of Terms: The Minutes Podcast with Mel and Patience
Amber: Patience’s elder sister, now resides in the UK
Baller: A thug from the streets who has made it big.
Barry: Father of Mel, ex military, retired, 61, known for his budget consciousness and love of writing complaint letters.
Bedazzled: To be amazed by something/someone, to be greatly impressed and mesmerized.
Ben Marshall: A New York drummer co-opted by The Grates to play drums on their album ‘Secret Rituals’. Ben also plays live on stage with The Grates when they tour.
Bob Trigg: The Grates tour manager, a living Australian rock legend
Boner String: Patience and Mel believe all men carrying a string around in their pocket which is used to tie their inappropriately timed boners to their legs. Mel and Patience also give away boners strings as prizes to the listener who has submitted the best question of the week on their other podcast, ‘You’re Welcome’
Blowing: Angry, furious, to be expressing discontent regarding an event or happenstance.
Carindale: A large suburban shopping centre in Brisbane, part of the Westfield Group. A multistorey mall with a large food court, many department stores and difficult parking.
Chris: Mother of Mel
Crunk: Crazy drunk, a mash up word invented by Patience.
Dance C*nts: Dancing in a manner designed to take up as much of the dance floor as possible. Big, old school moves are used to dominate the dance area and intimidate others out of the way.
Dan Condon: Friend of The Grates, former keyboard player with The Grates, host of 4zzz radio show ‘Wake and Bake’, also a white flamer.
Designated Glass: The glass you choose in the morning is your glass all day, for all drinks. This system is designed to reduce washing up.
Dugong Oil: In the 1840s and 1850s dugong were hunted off St Helena Island for their precious oil and, in the pages of the Moreton Bay Courier, advertisements told of the virtues of this miracle liquid extracted from the flesh of these passive sea creatures.
Ethyn: Patience’s youngest sibling, the only child of Terry and Sylvia still living full time on the island
Ferry biff: Physical conflict, a fight or disagreement, which takes place on a ferry.
The Fevered: Are a hardcore metal band, which includes Mark Perry from the gang and other smoking hot babes. Mel thinks the band should change their name to, ‘The Babes’ or ‘Babes Incorporated’ Patience thinks two of the band members look like Don Draper from Madmen. The Fevered rehearse in The Grates band room on days and times, which convienently coincide with the recording of The Minutes and You’re Welcome.
Food Needs: Allergies, gluten free, vegan, vegetarian, anything that causes a waiter to say, ‘I’ll just ask the chef’.
Full Cream Café: a poor quality café located inside an equestrian centre at Thornlands, QLD. The café is Mel and Patience’s benchmark to judge other café experiences, as the Full Cream Café is the worst café Patience has ever been to.
The Gang: are Patience’s friendship circle, they include, but are not limited to Moo Perry, Mark Perry, Lee Fletcher, Sandi, Dan Banham, Kali Dawson, Luke Boerdam, Krystie McGregor, Kristie Wilde and Dan Condon.
GTFO: Get The Fuck Out
Greg: John’s Dad, top bloke, a quiet achiever
Hair Eye Pyramid: A hierarchical system invented by Patience to express the value she places on certain combinations of hair colour and eye colour. At the top of the hair eye pyramid, according to Patience, is brown hair with blue eyes.
The Grates: A Brisbane band that Patience and John are in. The Grates Brisbane concert in 2011 at the Hi-Fi was the first concert Mel ever attended.
Jane: John’s mum, a very lovely lady
John (Patterson): The other half of The Grates, also does tech support on The Minutes, makes brooches, plays guitar in The Grates. Mrs Eyeball owns a 50% share in John Patterson. Mallory owns a 50% share in John
Josh: (Thomas) An Australian comedian, a friend of Mel’s. Mel also tours with Josh as his support act.
Knoping Out: To act like Leslie Knope, a fictional TV character portrayed by Amy Poehler on Parks and Recreation. Leslie is know for her love of organization, rules, logistics and color coordinating.
Krystie: The Grates sound technician, a top bird who owns pink gaff tape and is a speedy shopper.
Like a Nurse: Mel is trying to get this saying off the ground, she wants it to replace, ‘like a boss’ as she would prefer to date a sensitive and caring male nurse over a dominant corporate boss.
Macleay Island: Located in Moreton Bay, Patience’s home, she returns here to visit her parents, you can only get there by boat. Sometimes referred to simply as ‘the island’.
Maggie Beers: Maggie Beer is a renowned Australian chef, author, restauranteur and TV presenter, she is in her 60’s and is Mel and Patience’s hero. Patience continually pronounces an ‘s’ at the end of her name that isn’t there.
Mallory: The Grates current cat, she was adopted from the RSPCA and only has one eye, the other was surgically removed. Named by John in honour of the character from ‘Family Ties’
Memesis: Coined from ‘Nemesis’, Mel’s twitter nemesis is @memily, she is the Duchess of Southside Tea Rooms on Yelp and is alleged to have said that she thinks she would give better advice than Mel on ‘You’re Welcome’. Raven and Patience think that Mel and Memily are just too similar.
Moll: is Australian and New Zealand slang, usually pejorative or self-deprecating, for a woman. It’s an old fashioned slur that Mel and Patience use, moll can be teamed with more words for greater impact, for example skank moll, dumb moll, etc.
Mimi: Patience’s best friend from high school
Mrs Eyeball: The Grates cat. Also known as Crack Cat, Cookie Puss and Junior Girlfriend. Mel calls her Mrs Eyeball. She has a weird eye and is missing teeth. Mrs Eyeball has now passed away.
Raven: Patience’s younger sister, has multiple food needs, she is very cool, also known as The Ravedog. Raven works at a cafe and a vintage clothing store and at Southside Tea Room. Raven has been present at most of Mel’s live music experiences, notably, The Grates, Big Scary, Guineafowl, Lanie Lane and The Black Lips.
Rip through: To yell at someone, to give him or her a telling off, to curse them for their actions.
Scrag: A fight loving female, used as a slur or insult.
Southside Tea Rooms: The cafe owned and operated by The Grates and Raven, located at Morningside, in QLD.
Sylvia: Mother of Patience and Raven, a superb bird, crafty, arty.
Taking it up the clacker: Stand up comedy term for dying on stage, having a bad gig, not getting laughs.
Terry: Father of Patience and Raven, ex biffer, former motorbike rider, very good teller of yarns
Totez: Abbreviated form of totally
Vegetable cake: Any cake made by Patience will contain hidden grated or mashed vegetables.
White flaming/Blue Flaming: Being at your peak of rage, but concealing it on the inside. Those who know you well will be able to tell that you’re exceptionally angry, however there are no obvious outwards signs of the rage within to members of the general public. The reference originates from high school science Bunsen burners, where the white flame is the hottest Bunsen burner flame, however it is barely visible to the naked eye.
Wicked Wings: A chicken product manufactured by KFC. A crunchy, spicy batter coated chicken wing, commonly sold in packs of 3 or 6. Often utilised by Mel and Patience as a post gig reward. Wicked Wings are Mel and Patience’s shared favourite food.
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