The Minutes

(Mel Buttle, Damien Power, Patience Hodgson, Henry Stone) 

The Minutes with Mel and Patience is 14! It’s also out right now! To celebrate our teens we wore matching dresses, ate cupcakes and had boys over. Don’t tell our Dad’s! We told them that we were staying at yours, if they ask we were studying the whole time and your parents were there K? Cool.

For this record Patience made these cupcakes, they’re chocolate with choc tahini icing! I was pretty impressed, Patience also sent two home for Barry Buttle but he didn’t notice the tahini icing.  

We had two special guests join us for this ep, Henry Stone and Damien Power from Skills in Time (they make funny videos and do comedy) dropped by to tell us a couple of great biff yarns. They are also our first non musical guests! Exciting. 

In episode 14 we totez sold out and got in a sponsor, sorry, KFC Moist Towelettes sponsored us but they don’t know it yet, this ep opens on a word from our sponsor in the form of a radio play written by our guest Henry Stone. Astute listeners will recognise John Patterson from The Grates voicing a character called ‘Yuk Dude’ in this radio play it’s pretty rad. 

Like every ep there’s heapz of classic Mel and Patience stuff too, such as, we don’t know much about the news. Patience is really into meditation. Patience wrote to her gym about a problem. Mel hides TV channels from her parents. Facebook drama. Mel had a bible camp next door to her house. Patience cleaned a wall. Songs about cats. Mel emailed Sizzler.

Oh hai Tyler! In this episode we talked about Tyler from Teen Mom. We also came up with a cool work experience project for you Tyler. Call us. Hit me back T.Bone.  

These are the Skills in Time boys, one of these lads dated Patience’s sister and former Minutes host Raven for a short time. Oh gossip! Henry (the one with the long hair) repped for the group in this episode, and like Patience, Henry has been punched in the ear and told us not one but two baller az fight stories.  

This hands on hips dude is our other special guest, comedian Damien Power. He is also in Skills in Time sometimes, but also has his own life too, he told us a fight story that happened because of theatre. Pretty good! Damien has never been out with Raven, but his mum used to be a nun and his brother is a professional break dancer, gossip stakes, even.

Check out  Skills in Time  they’re putting on a live show in the Brisbane/ Melbourne Comedy festivals with Damien Power, who is also doing his own solo show too, #busy Damien Power Brisbane Comedy Festival

These are the free meditations that Patience does Meditation Oasis  and in case you’re not familar with Tyler from Teen Mom here’s some info about him Tyler from Teen Mom  We really heart him.

Download and subscribe to The Minutes with Mel and Patience iTunes  Not iTunes   

We hope you like this episode, it’s a big one!

Also if you want to ask us a question to be answered on our advice podcast, ‘You’re Welcome’ you can email us: mel and patience at gmail dot com or click the ask button on our Tumblr. 

Yours Sincerly, 

Mel and Patience x 

Mel: Patience like Beyonce you’re a busy rock musician, how does someone with your hectic schedule find the time for a pet?  

Pae: Well Mel, pet ownership is easier than you’d think with my cat Mrs Eyeball 

Mel: Mrs Eyeball, that’s a fun name, like Darren or Enya 

Pae: That’s not all that’s fun about her, I think she has cat AIDS too

Mel: Sounds like she’s the complete package then?

Pae: If by package you mean scab riddled ball of mange, then yes

Mel: Scabs? That sounds like work

Pae: Not at all she’s so easy to look after, I’ve had tamagotchi’s that require more nurturing than her. 

Mel: Speaking of nurturing, Patience, I’ve heard some cats need hours of grooming a year which sounds pretty time consuming, especially for a touring musician and podcast maker does Mrs Eyeball need grooming?

Pae: Well that’s the beauty of Mrs Eyeball Mel, she needs no grooming at all

Mel: What? No Grooming? Sounds like the John Butler Trio, are we still talking about Mrs Eyeball?

Pae:  Yes we are Mel, Mrs Eyeball just smashes her head on a chair leg to groom her face, and bites your wrist if you go near her with a brush, which means I’ve got more time for my family and friends

Mel: Finding spare time can be hard in this day and age, but staying afloat financially can be even harder, is Mrs Eyeball expensive to own?

Pae: Not at all, Mrs Eyeball is easy on the eye and the wallet 

Mel: How so? 

Pae: Well she lives in the dirt in the backyard so while she’s playing with rocks I’m not spending money on expensive cats toys and scratching poles, and in these uncertain financial times that’s good news

Mel: Low cost, easy to care for, sounds like Mrs Eyeball is the perfect pet then Patience?

Pae: I’ve compared Mrs Eyeball to other pets and the others just don’t stack up, they all had two working eyes and that’s just not practical for my fast paced lifestyle 

Mel: I’ve heard dental bills for cats can be really expensive, is that a problem with Mrs Eyeball?

Pae: Not at all, she has no teeth so that keeps my bank balance fat and her thin

Mel:  Sounds like she’s the perfect cat for the busy person on the go?

Pae: I’d recommend Mrs Eyeball to anyone who likes cats with more imperfections than discounted fruit  

As heard in Episode 13 of The Minutes with Mel and Patience

Have just heard your advice with Mel, The United Nations need you both to give them advice. You would so completely confuse and confound them with your advice that the world would have to be a much better place to live on.  Your mother and i chuckled and laughed out loud at the wisdom of both of you gals. Even if the advice that you give goes unheeded i am certain that the laughs that you gave them will do them the world of good. love and kiss’s dad x x x x 

What’s that Dad? You think we should be in charge over at the United Nations? Oh gosh, maybe if we had some time :D

You’re Welcome iTunes  and Non iTunes 

Since the invention of problems in 1967 people have needed advice, and when it comes to advice, like presents, Mel and Patience firmly believe it’s better to give than receive, thus ‘You’re Welcome’, Mel and Patience’s advice podcast was born. 

‘You’re Welcome’ is a spin off from our original podcast offering ‘The Minutes’. ‘You’re Welcome’ is a shorter, snappier, podcast with a simple mission, to give advice to those asking.  

With a banging custom theme song from John Patterson of ‘The Grates’, it’s no surprise ‘You’re Welcome’ debuted at #2 on the iTunes comedy chart and #2 overall in iTunes! Whatever though, no big deal, we’re still Jenny from The Block. Don’t be fooled by the rocks, that we’ve got, yeah IN OUR IGNEOUS ROCK COLLECTION! 

Bragfest over, every bit as entertaining as it is educational, ‘You’re Welcome’ is advice for you about anything and everything, no problem is too big or small. ‘You’re Welcome’ is part common sense, part gigglefest. You talk, we listen, then we talk, then you listen to us talking about you. Hakuna Matata. 

So how does it work? Well, our rad az listeners submit questions for us to answer, via our Tumblr Ask A Question or our twitter accounts. Who are we to be giving out advice to others, who do we think we are Dr Phil’s wife?

Mel is an expert at being a person, she’s survived full time office jobs, the Australian comedy circuit, living at home, being a redhead and allergies. Unlike Mel, Patience has met boys, goes outside and has spent years touring the world as a rock muso. A savvy homemaker and cat owner Patience brings a wealth of real life experience to the table, while Mel proudly recounts things she’s heard people with boyfriends say on the bus, together, we’re at least as qualified to give advice as Rose from The Golden Girls or Oprah.

Our debut episode available now on iTunes attempts to solve the following problems; should you follow someone back on twitter if they ask you to? How do you tell someone you want to pash them? Can you over-coddle a dog? Should you work for the government or stay at uni? I don’t want to be an introvert how does one change? A guy asked for my number but hasn’t called? Advanced Twistie Management. Tickling, rad or bad? Burnt out teacher seeks new career. 

Thanks to everyone who has downloaded and supported us with The Minutes, we really hope you’re going to heart You’re Welcome. 

 ‘You’re Welcome’ is released every fortnight on Thursday, just like old mate ‘The Minutes’. Listen to Episode 1 of ‘You’re Welcome’ here iTunes  Non iTunes 

The Grates Mel Buttle  

Wanna see some pics from Mel’s Birthday as hosted by The Grates? Here you go!